Things I Learned Watching TV

Frenchie DJ

2012-02-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

Frenchie DJ throws down some dope tracks.http://youtu.be/rMNGpmqYNJI via @youtube @napdogmedia#FrenchBulldogs #Rap #HipHop

‎"I'm Not Concerned About The Very Poor" - Mitt Romney

2012-02-02T20:36:00.000-08:00

‎"I'm Not Concerned About The Very Poor" - Mitt Romney

gang fight! knocked out!

2011-12-07T07:58:00.000-08:00

Gang fights of the future!

Coon Skin Man Tells All

2011-11-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

PGA Crowne Plaza

2011-11-14T12:07:00.000-08:00

Commercial I shot earlier this year for Crowne Plaza's sponsorship of the PGA Tour.

USMC

2011-11-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to the USMC!

College Football Is Evil

2011-11-09T21:17:00.001-08:00

I officially hate college football. NCAA exploits poor minority kids to play a dangerous sport without compensation and coaches like Joe Paterno protect pedophiles. The lesson learned is that rich assholes continue to make money and the kids always get fucked.

Steve Jobs explains the rules for success

2011-11-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

It's the fucking truth.

Herman Cain: I'm the Koch Brothers' brother from another mother!

2011-11-07T06:31:00.000-08:00

He's such a clown.

80s Video Dating Montage

2011-11-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

Purely awesome.

18 Million Reasons Why The Kardashians Should All Die

2011-11-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that Kim Kardashian made $18 million on her wedding. Obviously, that marriage won't last and she'll make even more money once divorce court is in session. Of course with all of that money being made, she'll manage to cheapen the institution of marriage along the way.

I hate that whole family and all of the moral emptiness that they offer to America. Reality TV is genocide to creativity. Yes, I'm guilty of being on VH1's Tough Love but me being on there was to poke fun of what a bunch of losers those idiot chicks are and also my friend works on the show and he begged me to be on it.

Their success is totally a reflection of our culture and the nation's moral decline. We lose Steve Jobs and we're stuck with the Kardashian family. America is fucked.

Publicité "Verres Vision Ordinateur" Optic 2000

2011-10-31T17:52:00.000-07:00

Check out this French commercial that I shot earlier this year.

VH1's Tough Love

2011-10-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

Friends,

Here's my episode of VH1's Tough Love in Case you missed it. It's called Sex & Samba but it should really be called "Franky Meets A Crazy Girl."

Click on the link below to catch me in action. Enjoy!

Sex and Samba: It's time for a bootcamp favorite - the sexy photo shoot! But this year, Steve has an added twist that will leave the girls dumbfounded.

Tough Love New Orleans Casting Call

2011-10-28T14:05:00.001-07:00

NOW CASTING: Single Men In The Gulf Coast Area

VH1’s hit show “Tough Love” is BACK and looking for ELIGIBLE BACHELORS in the NEW ORLEANS/GULF COAST area to take our beautiful cast of single women out on dates.
Cornwell Casting and Master Matchmaker Steve Ward are looking for successful single men of all types to date the women of VH1‘S TOUGH LOVE!
If you, or someone you know, would be a great guy to go out on dates with our beautiful cast of single women and give a BRUTALLY HONEST opinion of what went RIGHT and what went WRONG throughout the date, then we want to meet you!
We are looking for single, attractive, successful, outgoing MEN to go on dates with a diverse group of sexy women. Men must be charming, adventurous, live in the New Orleans/Gulf Coast area and be looking for love!
This is an opportunity to contribute to one of the most successful dating experiences that’s ever been televised.
Please fill out our online application at https://ccasting.wufoo.com/forms/vh1s-tough-love-men/

Applicants must be single and 21 or over.
GULF COAST AREA MEN ONLY!

Herman Cain Thank You For Smoking Campaign Ad. (Hilarious)

2011-10-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

Herman Cain is comedy gold.

Halloween

2011-10-27T12:48:00.001-07:00

Thank God that I live in a soulless decadent town that cherishes and celebrates Halloween properly (drunk girls in naught outfits) and that I don't live in some small shit town in rural America that banishes such a joyous occasion by Jesus freaks.

Osama Bin Laden is dead!

2011-05-02T06:13:00.000-07:00

Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday in Pakistan by a team of US Navy Seals. This is a huge victory for our country and a proud moment for all of the troops that have served since 9/11.

I'm proud that President Obama took the Bin Laden threat seriously and delivered on a campaign promise. I was hoping George W Bush would've caught him (which would've helped his legacy) but he didn't deliver and got us stuck in an unnecessary war in Iraq.

On a side note - It's funny yesterday was the 3rd Sunday in a row where I drank all day at the Standard bickering about politics with one of my right-wing friends. My friend keeps saying "Obama is looking more like Jimmy Carter every day" which will make this next Sunday more fun when I can tell him that Obama looks more like the guy that shot Bin Laden in the eye.

Trump 2012

2011-03-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

Can Donald Trump already stop with his stupid publicity stunt that he's running for President? It doesn't help that his "family values" spiel is against gay marriage yet he has been married 3 times along with enough mistresses that NYC can give them their own borough. It's time he returns to overrated gaudy real estate. Which by the way, if he ever got elected, he would reinvent the White House to his own liking which would be black and gold with a giant lion statue on the front lawn.

Tony Robbins: Why we do what we do, and how we can do it better

2011-03-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

I'm off to my first Tony Robbins seminar this weekend. I'm so excited for it.

Fight Leads to Police Brutality -- Savannah Cop SLAMS Female to Ground

2011-03-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

I'm speechless.

Mos Def & dj honda - Travellin' Man(original version)

2011-03-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

Classic track by DJ Honda featuring Mos Def. This one goes out to everybody out in Japan. That's the one country that I've been dying to visit my whole life. I hope everything turns out ok.

Silicone Snakebites

2011-03-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

This video is nuts. A snake dies after bitting the breast of a street whore and ingesting silicone.

Obama 2012

2011-02-22T11:53:00.000-08:00

Obama's re-election chances for 2012 are looking pretty good. He's got a ton of things going against him like the economy, deficit, war, etc but the Republican party doesn't have strong candidates nor do they seem eager to run against him. During the last two election cycles by this time in 2003 and in 2007 there was plenty of people already raising money and openly campaigning.

Today John Thune announced he's not going to run (GOP had high hopes for him) and even Mike Huckabee said running against Obama is going to be tough (he might not even bother to run). Haley Barbour can't get a vote outside of the Deep South and obviously Sarah Palin won't seriously end up running. Mitt Rommey and John Huntsman have a good shot but they are hated by their own party.

Yes, Obama can have an internal battle in the Democratic party from somebody emerging from the far-left but whoever decides against running will have an uphill battle since Obama's general approval ratings are doing rather well and he's got the black, hispanic, LGBT vote in his pocket along with major donors too.

I'm curious to see how the Republicans end up picking (if anybody decides to step up to the challenge).

It's all up to Obama not to fuck this up.

YES WE CAN (AGAIN) 2012!!!

RIP Uncle Leo

2011-02-17T14:58:00.000-08:00

I'm sad to hear that Uncle Leo has passed away. He was one of my favorite Seinfeld characters. He will be missed.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T06:54:00.000-08:00

I just want to take a quick second to wish everybody a Happy Valentine's Day! Here's a classic love track by Tupac. Enjoy.

Snub Alert: Guru Snubbed at Grammy's Tribute

2011-02-14T06:48:00.000-08:00

I've never been a fan of the Grammys and last night was evidence why I think they suck: they didn't bother to mention Guru from Gangstarr under artists we lost in 2010. Guru was one of the best ever. Then again the Grammys has always been behind the times. They came out with the Best Disco Album category in 1982.

Walk Like An Egyptian

2011-02-11T13:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, this will be my last post about Egypt until something else big happens. I'm posting this video actually to profess my love to Susanna Hoffs. I saw her in LA last year and she's as hot as ever. Happy Friday!

I Have A Chance!

2011-02-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

Good news for me: Oliva Wilde recently split up with her husband which means that I now have a shot with her. I haven't figured out my plan yet but I'm working on it.

Great Moments in Hook Up History

2011-02-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

This clip is honor of Ed Sabol and every guy that has been in this situation.

Steve Martin - King Tut (Live 1979)

2011-01-30T19:51:00.000-08:00

I dedicate this video to everybody out in Egypt.

Brett Favre: Rise - "What should I do?"

2011-01-21T11:29:00.000-08:00

Classic.

Lights Out

2011-01-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

I can't stop raving about F/X's new show Lights Out. If you like stories about washed up fighters making a comeback while dealing with mobsters in North Jersey, then this show is for you.

TiVo is your friend, DVR is your child.

2011-01-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

TiVo has got to be one of the best inventions of the 21st century (only behind anything Steve Jobs ever created). It allowed us to have a social life and still be able to catch up with your favorite TV shows. Nothing made me happier than a night of getting shitfaced and coming home to refreshed inbox of my favorite viewing habits. I have to admit between 2004-06, I could shamelessly admit that TiVo was my best friend on the planet. I know I don't speak alone when I say that. Yes, it sounds like the plot of a bad sci-fi movie where man befriends machine and then things go haywire. It was great to come home after an awful day to find your favorite sitcoms recorded and then a few extra suggested episodes of a show you have never seen. That's how I got into Arrested Development. I swear TiVo was that friend that bent over backwards to make you happy.

Then things went to shit. Direct TV stopped carrying TiVo and stuck me with just a regular old DVR. I quickly came to realize that DRV was the stupid child that you have to tell it everything to do that always ends up disappointing you.

I pray daily that one day Direct TV will provide TiVo again. Sweet Jesus, are you listening?

Best of NFL 2010 Season

2011-01-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

I'm so bummed that football season is coming to a close. This has been by far the most entertaining seasons in years. When I mean entertaining, I'm only talking about off-field antics and mishaps. You know, like Brett Farve's cock shots.

I'm hoping that next season will be just as good. Think about all of the stuff that made you forget you lived in a country in the midst of a major economic recession and not one but two wars:

-Brett Farve's sexting scandal. It started with the NY Jets and it followed him to Minnesota. The guy can't keep it in his pants without snapping a pic.

-Rex Ryan's wife and their foot fetish videos. I mean come on! Could you have ever imaged this? I still find it hilarious even after watching that video 12 times in one afternoon. BTW, I'm not crazy about Mrs. Ryan's feet at all. Sorry, coach.

-Michael Vick's comeback season and image re-tainted by saying he'd like to own a dog again. That's like a former Nazi trying to find a girl on JDate.

Our Family Aint Gangsta!

2011-01-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

Watch this uncle give his nephew tough love for making the mistake of pretending to be a wannabe gangsta on the Internet. A stern ass-whooping is handed to this dumb kid. Hopefully the lesson is learned.

It's by far my favorite video in a long time. Enjoy but parental warning: this kid gets it bad!

Miami Heat Lose Season Opener to Boston Celtics

2010-10-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

I didn't get a chance to catch the game last night (I was at the Massive Attack concert, which rocked) and I saw the highlights this morning. Ok, they did lose to the defending Eastern Conference Champions but I was hoping that they would've made a monster statement last night by beating them. I hope D-Wade gets well soon but I do have to admit as much for all of my excitement that I have for the wonderful additions of LeBron and Bosh on my hometown team, I'm still skeptical if they can win a championship their first season together. It takes a while to get a good system working regardless of talent and I know Coach Eric is good but is still green. I'm still high on hope that they can do it this year but I'm already thinking next year will be THE YEAR they give us a ring.

I know LeBron said he was bringing his talents to South Beach a few months back. I hope he knows by now that the AAA is in downtown Miami and that he came here to bring this city a championship not to party on SOBE chasing girls. Give us a ring and any girl in this city if yours, until then focus on winning.

Ok, I've said my peace. GO HEAT!!!

Pacqauio-Margarito 24/7

2010-10-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

I just love HBO's 24/7 series. They do such a great job and I wish they could have done this for boxing a decade ago. Boxing is a dying sport short on superstars (especially when they avoid each other like Floyd Mayweather has been doing) that is losing its fan base to MMA.

That being said, I'm a huge fan of Manny Pacquaio and I'm glad he steps up to take on all comers but I think this fight he picked with Antonio Margarito is the wrong fight. Margarito regardless of his illegal hand wraps is still a dangerous fighter. He's the naturally bigger fighter and he's also trying to prove something after his controversial hand wrap incident along with the demolishing ass-whooping that Sugar Shane Mosley gave him back in January 2009. Trust me, Margarito is hungry and is more than ready to redeem himself. Pacqauio on the other hand has been on a roll the past few years looking unstoppable and in the process has been elected a congressional seat in the Philippines. He seems very into his new gig and that's great but boxing is still what got him out of poverty and made him into a multi-millionaire. Even his long-time trainer Freddy Roach is concerned about the distractions that this new job is bringing to the camp. I'm starting to smell an upset in the process. I still want to see Pacqauio destroy Margarito but let's face it, his chances of a victory are starting to fade with new found responsibilities outside of his current occupation. I hope Pacqauio can rise to the occasion and focus on this big fight. Career wise if he wins, he beats a washed up Margarito but if he loses it looks bad and he drops his stock as a fighter. This situation is a win-win for Margarito because if he loses, he lost to the best guy in the game and gets paid millions in the process and can secure another big fight if he looks good in this situation regardless of losing but obviously if he wins, it's a long road to the big time paved in gold.

Thanks to HBO for providing fights a weekly glimpse into the training camps of top-notch fighters.

Stand up and make some noise for King James!

2010-10-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to have King James as a part of my beloved Miami Heat. I still can't believe that he's part of my hometown team at the same time as Dwayne Wade. It's so hard to believe sometimes but it's real. Damn! I look forward to this new era.

RIP Paul the Octopus

2010-10-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

It's reported that Paul the Octopus best remembered for his accurate picks from the World Cup died today at age 2 of natural causes. He became a world-wide sensation this summer for picking all of the correct winners.

Here's my feelings about the what the press isn't telling you: Paul the Octopus didn't die of natural causes. He was assassinated by the Israeli Mossad because he was hiding Nazi gold under the gravel of his fish tank and he used the World Cup as a PR stunt to distract the masses of what really lied underneath his 8 tentacles.

THINGS I LEARNED BY WATCHING JERSEY SHORE

2010-10-07T21:14:00.000-07:00

THINGS I LEARNED BY WATCHING JERSEY SHORE:

-I need to go party at Klutch and Karma with my crew.

-Vinnie is a fag for taking back Ramona.

-Snookie and Ryder is the reason why Roe v. Wade was fought for by the pro-choice movement.

-The Situation is a cockblock. Actually a MAJOR cockblock.

-GTL is the key to getting laid.

-Eastern European women that live in South Beach are evil.

Christine O'Donnell's 90's MTV Anti-Masturbation Campaign

2010-09-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Tea Party candidate is against "spanking the monkey" and we all know that's not cool.

Rex Ryan "Snacks" Speech .. Hard Knocks

2010-09-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, it looks like the Jets are going to be a bust this season but I have to say that I enjoy Rex Ryan's speeches. This speech is part motivational speech part accidental comedy. Enjoy his now infamous "snacks" speech.

9/11 nine years later...

2010-09-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the 9 year anniversary of 9/11 and most people will post "where you were on 9/11?" all over their posts. Here's my story: I got drunk the night before and slept in until noon until my roommate woke me up telling me the world had changed. I thought he finally got laid after his long slump. It turns out I was wrong. I know I shouldn't make light of such a tragedy but that's the truth. Amazingly enough, if something horrible like that ever happened again, I'd probably still be in bed hungover. I haven't changed much.

Dirty Thirty Blues

2010-09-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

As of today, I've reached the one month mark until I turn 30. It's time for me to finish up my 20's bucket list with great stuff like having sex with a midget hooker and going to see the Grand Canyon on a peyote trip. If you have any suggestions anytime between now and October 3rd, please contact me. There's so much to do in such little time. Depression is starting to sink in...

I want to be 21 again! HELP!

You're not welcome around here.

2010-08-25T12:37:00.000-07:00

This morning I saw some totally ugly woman move into my building. She had no idea what the fuck she was doing and dropped a piece of glass on the floor which went into a million pieces right when I was exiting the elevator to take my dog for a walk. So of course you can understand why I'm in a sour mood. She's one of those ugly females that you can tell doesn't even have hot friends that hang out with her out of pity (come on you know chicks pull that shit all of the time). So you can forget them hanging out by the pool on the weekends or having wine-tasting parties while watching Sex And The City re-runs. You would think that would be the best case scenario but noooooo! Can Jesus stop being such a cockblock and throw me a bone from time to time? It's bad enough I had to go to an all-boys high school. Fucken eh!

I hate my life. That is all.

4 years in

2010-08-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

As of today, I've hit the 4 year mark since I started doing stand-up comedy. It feels like yesterday going into a packed house at the Miami Improv on 08/23/06 and bombing to almost 400 people in the audience (I brought most of the people that night). As awful as I was that night, I was just relieved that I finally grew the pair of balls to get me on stage. I was just glad that I tried it and consider it one of the best days of my life. It was painful yet addicting and almost a half decade in, I'm still plugging away. During the past four years I've embarrassed my family, annoyed my friends, ruined my dating life, dragged myself into nightly humiliation and a million other insane places but at the end of the day, there's nothing else I'd rather be doing.

After 3 years of sucking, I've recently improved and I'm on my way to getting much better. Things are finally happening.

I just want to say thanks to everybody far and wide that have been supporting me fall on my face time and again. I'd be nowhere without your support and encouragement when I've been in some pretty low places in my life. Now the best days are ahead. Thanks a million!

Hedo Ricky

2010-08-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

I love Hedo Ricky.

Thanks Team Franky!

2010-08-19T19:42:00.001-07:00

Friends, I just want to take a quick second to thank everybody for all of your support lately. I won a stand-up comedy contest back in June due in large part because of wonderful support from people like you. The prize is being able to attend STAND-UP BOOTCAMP which is a 3-day intensive training seminar taught by legendary stand-up comics like Louie Anderson and Kyle Cease there's also talent scouts like Eddie Brill from the David Letterman Show checking us out too. Boot Camp starts this weekend and I couldn't be anymore excited. This is an amazing opportunity and will hopefully lead to bigger and better things for my career. This is exactly the thing I need to do and undergo before I move out to LA next year. I've been hitting my stride lately with this comedy thing and I'm ready to step it up. Thanks again for being with me every step of the way. I'm nothing without my supporters. I hope to see all of you soon enough back at the comedy clubs. Much love! Franky

A Little Quayle Hatches In Arizona

2010-08-11T19:24:00.001-07:00

This is a real political ad from Dan Quayle's son Ben Quayle. He's a half a step dumber than his father. That's saying a ton. It's funny how Sarah Palin made us all forget about the former VP that couldn't spell potato. I'm sure the Quayle family sends the Palin's a nice thank you card every year since our favorite hockey mom came on to the political arena and drove anybody with half a brain nuts that somebody picked this person to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency.

Well, nepotism reins supreme in politics and having a last name can get you elected in the right places if your constituents are dumb enough to go along with it. If you live in Arizona, please don't vote for this clown. I beg you!

It's Always Easier To Be A Dirtbag

2010-07-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

I'm really digging LA. I've been living cleaner out here with less drinking, more writing and running in the mornings too. I love being able to hike and enjoy nature. It's something that I never do in Miami.

Also my friends out here aren't as big as dirtbags as those back home. Not to say that I doesn't love my dirtbag friends (they inspire my work) but come on it's easier to be a dirtbag than it is to be a productive member of society.

I'm giving myself 12 months to move my ass out here to make things happen. It's scary but I need a challenge in life. Miami is a fun town but I've been there and done that too many times. I need to stay out here in LA to tell the world my stories of being a decadent playboy from South Beach.

Moment of Self-Realization

2010-07-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

I've discovered on this trip that my comedy is best served medium raw. If I go too raw it's like a cage fighter beating the shit out of a special needs child in a school yard and its not even for the lunch money. Ok, I spoke my mind on my own career matters for the day.

The Pharcyde Somethin' That Means Somethin'

2010-07-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

I've been jamming to this song non-stop since I got out to LA. Enjoy.

There's Something About Mel

2010-07-22T16:23:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I love Mel Gibson's anger tapes and dig how Radaronline releases them in volumes like the Twilight novels. They've done a brilliant job leaking them one tape at a time making the next tape even better. It's addicting and entertaining watching a once beloved celebrity become the most hated man on the planet. That being said, I have to say that Mel Gibson has such a great voice it's almost charming telling his baby momma to just smile and blow him. Ok, I spoke my peace.

When Salt Has To Lick Itself

2010-07-09T05:06:00.001-07:00

First off, congrats to Cleveland Cavs owner Dan Gilbert on officially writing the most bitter piece of literature from one human being to another human being ever. That letter is so bitter that salt has to lick itself afterwards like a cheap tequila shot at a skanky bar. Also, saying the Cavs will win a championship before Miami will is just laughable. Enjoy your winter in the "mistake by the Lake." What is more amazing is that teams and owners have no loyalty to players that they trade them like cattle. Dan Gilbert wouldn't be an owner and Cleveland would not be a topic for discussion without Lebron James.

Hey Hey LBJ! How many fans in Cleveland did you kill today?

2010-07-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy that Lebron James has decided to bring his talents to South Beach leaving behind his loyal hometown fans in Cleveland while they freeze in bitterness during those cold Cleveland winters. I look forward to the season ahead having King James reside in Wade County.

All I have to say is Hey Hey LBJ! How many fans in Cleveland did you kill today?

Kagan Goes To Washington

2010-06-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

I tried watching two minutes of Elena Kagan's Senate hearing but all it is is a bunch of Southern hick Senators grilling her for being a smart overachiever that went to good schools. Can we just confirm her and move things along already? She's good to go. Enough with calling her an elitist because she's a Jewish girl from New York that opens books and obtains knowledge from them. It's amazing to see Senators Jeffery Sessions (R-AL) and John Kyl (R-AZ) make her look like some monster that kills babies and hates Jesus along with our military. All they're doing is pandering to their white uneducated lower-middle class male voters that despise people from the North.

These Senate hearings are just awful to watch and sad to see our tax payer dollars go to waste to produce cheap political theater. Oh, yeah I can't wait until they talk about abortion. Always a predictable but fun topic to watch.

Friday Mailbag is coming back!

2010-06-23T06:34:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I'm bringing back the Friday Mailbag so please e-mail me your questions at fjarriola2012@yahoo.com

Remember that no question is too stupid.

Thanks.

Franky

RIP Gary Coleman

2010-05-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

I'm devastated by the very sad news of Gary Coleman's death. He was a great child actor and I loved him as Arnold Jackson growing up (even adulthood too). He'll be missed.

Here's one of my favorite Diff'rent Strokes episodes. Enjoy!

Meet The Douchebag

2010-05-22T08:40:00.000-07:00

Rand Paul totally choked on what should have been his cake-walk interview with Rachel Maddow Tuesday night after his huge victory to get the nomination for Kentucky's US Senate seat. Rachel might be a lesbian liberal-elitist that scares Middle America but she is a very nice host to all of her guests and speaks in a respectful manner to her conservative guests unlike FOX News hosts with their liberal guests. If you're a conservative, her show is safe because if you play your cards right, you won't look bad.

Maddow brought up his past quotes of his beliefs about the 1964 Civil Rights Bill that the government overstepped their boundaries on private business (he's also is against rights for the handicapped). It's easy to say that when you're a white privileged hick like Rand Paul but he's never had to deal with discrimination in his life. At a time when this country is in a financial mess with an energy crisis while at two wars, this moron is discussing what is already been the law of the land for over a generation (which has been a huge asset to this country). Why did he even have to go there? I'll tell you, because he's a fucking moron! This is the best the Tea Party has to offer? You have got to be fucking kidding me.

This country does not need another narrow-minded hick in serving in our government. At one point during the 2008 Presidential Elections, I respected his father, Ron Paul's views (especially when he's in the same room as Fred Thompson and Tom Tancredo) but it seems to me that Ron raised his Duke medical-educated son to be a moron. Why is Rand going on more talk shows to discuss his further barbaric views instead of putting out one fire with more gasoline? It seems to be that this eye doctor lacks the vision to take this country forward.

I'm not sure where his political future lies because he never got his "honey moon" that he felt like he was entitled to but then again, he's running in the bluegrass hick heaven of Kentucky which will most likely forgive him for his backwards ways. Although citing exhaustion to cancel an interview with the biggest political morning in the land is a big no-no and shows a lack of toughness/political character that we like to see in our elected officials after they make huge mistakes. It seems like daddy's boy will be hiding out this weekend when he should be taking on David Gregory to try to stop the bleeding. He can hide but that won't stop the bleeding. I seriously hope that the people in Kentucky wake up and do not elect this fool.

When you think about it, now that Rand Paul has cancelled his interview on Meet The Press, there have been only two other guests in the program's 62-year history to have canceled last minute: Louis Farrakhan and Prince Bandar bin Khaled al-Faisal of Saudi Arabia. Amazing how all of three of them are douchebags!

You're A F**king Dog

2010-05-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

I just got home from work today and my dog has trashed my apartment which he also has not touched his food either. Right now this video hits close to home.

Teen Angst Day

2010-05-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm suffering from teen angst today so I had to go old school.

Arlen's Spectacle

2010-05-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to see that 80-year-old weasel Arlen Spector's political life has come to an end. Compared to most people in office, he's not as bad as most since he's been a pretty moderate Republican and has been a guest on the Howard Stern Show before (hey that score points in my book). He had a great chance to become a great US Senator last year when he reached across party lines and voted for Obama's stimulus package. Spector caught heat from members of his own party and instead of standing his ground, he switched parties so he can get re-elected (at least he thought). Yes, having Spector on Obama's side was one of the telling factors on how the President got his heath care bill passed but instead of being a Republican, he had to vote in camo fatigues as a Democrat. He was a true political coward. Then last night, the voter's in his home state of Pennsylvania vote for Joe Sestak.

I don't get why a guy in his advanced age has left to offer and it made me sick that although he supported the man I want as my President, he could've shown some courage and leadership by being the guy that worked across the room to work on getting this country back on track. Yes, the Senate does have some moderate Republicans that are not as crazy as a Sam Brownback but they needed a leader of Spector's prestige to lead them and not to be afraid to listen to the right-wing political hacks on FOX NEWS do what is best for the country which is sometimes having to break ranks and pass things through.

Now that Spector's time has come and gone, I hope he openly supports Sestak elected into office because I'm impressed with the former 3-Star Admiral's energy and commitment to being a public servant.

True Blood Season 3 Preview!

2010-05-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here's the preview for True Blood season 3. It looks awesome. I can't wait!

Sandra Bullshit

2010-05-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm so over America's Broken Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. I've always thought she was kind of a dirtbag for marrying that super dirtbag Jesse James. I respect Bullock's long career but in my opinion, she put a huge damper in her girl next door image when she got with Nazi boy James. I never saw the appeal and thought she was insane for adopting his kids while their pornstar mother was in jail for not paying her taxes. In my personal life, I usually try to avoid girls that have baggage and drama. Someone successful and bright like Sandra should know better. She could have any guy she wants and she picked him. She must have some serious issues. I knew this James escapade was going to end in a disaster but not as bad as this turned out. James had an affair with several women and of course one of them being that Nazi pin-up model Bombshell Magee. Then came the photos of James in Nazi gear. For a being married to a women in Hollywood, the Nazi stuff is the kiss of death. The next thing you know, Sandra leaves Jesse and adopts a black child. WTF? It drives me nuts when actors think they've become the characters that made them famous. She now thinks she's the mother from The Blind Side while Martin Sheen thinks he's the President.

Breach of Trust Leave Your Sleep (2CD)

MISS USA 2010

2010-05-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

I can't figure out why there's another stupid controversy behind the Miss USA pageant because of a sexy photo shoot. WOW! How shocking! A hot chick took sexy photos. It's her fucking job to look good and inspire women to get off their asses and head to a gym. They pay them to look good and not for their brain power. Sex sells and nobody will watch that stupid outdated show if they don't show skin or get some bimbo to say something that pisses some group off (cough cough like gays can't get married).

I think whoever is going to be in this year's Miss USA needs to have a serious coke problem along with being pregant in the 1st trimester with an NBA player's bastard child and has also been photographed with Nazi paraphernalia while dancing her bi-curious girlfriends at some cheesy nightclub in Vegas past curfew.

Republicans Eat Sushi Too

2010-05-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

I just recently got into an argument with one of my insane right-wing friends about the BP spill. He said the spill will wash itself away and not to worry about it. People are retarded. This spill is bad news and affects us all. To paraphrase Michael Jordan's once shallow quote: "Republicans eat sushi too."

I'm glad President Obama is sticking BP with the clean-up bill.

Killing The Beast

2010-04-09T11:14:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I still keep getting e-mails from my supporters about whether I retired from stand-up or not. I did not retire. It was an April Fool's joke. I announced it last week but people still keep asking me if I was for real or not. Some of you saw me last week at the Improv mouth off to some people yelling that "I'm done with this bullshit" but I just put on this act that I had to convince everybody of my retirement or the prank will fall flat like an a-cup bra. I have to admit it was funny to see my comic peers talk me out of it like I was about to jump off a bridge or drink cyanide. This prank snowballed and it turns out I was really good at it because people still believe me.

I know that I created a beast but I'm now stabbing the beast in the heart to kill off this vicious monster that I created.

I'll be back on stage sometime next week. Expect an e-mail from me begging you to support my sorry amateur hour ass.

Thanks again for all of your support and I hope to see you lovely faces in the crowd soon enough.

Sincerely,

Franky Arriola

Tiger returns to the jungle

2010-04-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

This is the new ad by Nike featuring Tiger Woods and his father's voice from the grave. It's just awful.

Scarface Junior

2010-03-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

This video is hilarious yet totally disturbing.

The TEA Party's Favorite Spic Server

2010-03-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

I just caught a segment of the The Crist-Rubio debate. It's the race of lame and lamer. On one had you have the closet homo Charlie Crist that is a typical hackjob politician that is at least somewhat moderate with a horrible fake n' bake tan and on the other hand you have the chongo that was ripped off by $150 for that awful Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer haircut Marco Rubio. It's funny how I've always thought his bad combover nerd hair cut was probably done by a senile old barber that he's been going to since he was a kid. After I heard that he spent $150 to look like a dork, he proved himself as a person that doesn't know how to spend his money wisely and shows he's got no style or taste. This race has become comedic at best. I love that Crist called out Rubio for his "back wax" recently.

One of the things that bothers me about Rubio is that he's trying to stand out and in doing so he's jumped on the racist bandwagon of the Tea Party. It's amazing if Rubio was a Democrat, the Tea Party would rally against him calling him a spic and comparing him to Tony Montana while probably trying to smear some obscure family member of smuggling in drugs during Miami's cocaine cowboy days. I could totally see photos of Rubio's face photoshopped to the Scarface poster. Rubio should be ashamed of himself as a Hispanic by allying himself with those bigots.

Ok, that's my two cents.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/03/28/1551896/accusations-fly-as-gov-crist-and.html

John McBitter

2010-03-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

As a former admirer of John McCain, I have to say that I've been so disappointed with him ever since the election of Barack Obama. Now I don't blame him for being upset after trying twice running for President in the last 10 years and losing both times (I really wish he would've beat George W Bush back in 2000). It's hard work to travel around the country to sell your agenda and raise money promising the world to your supporters. It's exhausting work and it takes a toll on your health and also your family life. I respect anybody that goes for it even though I totally disagree with a candidate's whole agenda. It's a tough business and losing must be heartbreaking.

John McCain is a true public servant that gave 5 1/2 years of his life in a Vietnamese jail and I respect him for surviving that awful experience then making something of himself in life. He's been a good Senator in the past by having a good record working in bi-partisan efforts. I was hoping that after he lost the election to Obama that he would return to public service working as an independent-thinking man that put common sense in front pity partisan rubbish but unfortunately, he's been acting like a bitter cry baby. It's a shame that he's become such a partisan hack and instead of leading his party, he's become a follower to the old boy network that is the Republican party. He's up for re-election to his Senate seat this year and although his rival JD Hayworth is a far-right political hack, in a way I want to see McCain lose because he doesn't seem that into the job anymore and he's moving away from his common sense approach to pandering to the right-wing of his party to retain his Senate seat. It's a shame to see how he's fallen so far down.

Before I forget to mention it, I'll never forgive him for picking Sarah Palin as his VP. He exercised poor judgement in trusting putting this moron only a heartbeat away from the Presidency. He also made her into an over night celebrity that won't go away. Shame on him.

Haitian Handshake

2010-03-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

George uses Bill's shirt as a towel to wipe off Haitian handshake (not a metaphor, ladies and gentlemen).

After watching this video it totally explains why people love Clinton. He's charming and cares. Bush is an empty suit that was always out of touch with people. He grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth and never had to work for crap.

Clinton has his faults (chicks and fast food) but he cares about people.

My Mom Is On Facebook!

2010-03-18T11:08:00.002-07:00

Currently, my mother is not on facebook but many of her friends are and this song is so true. I hope my mom never signs up. It's bad enough I have to deal with her friends digging into my daily nonsense.

Greatest Commercial Ever

2010-03-18T11:08:00.001-07:00

This is by far the greatest commercial ever.

Sex Positions App

2010-03-18T11:01:00.000-07:00

Download this App for the iPhone that my friend made. It's funny!

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/extreme-sex-positions-18/id357025452?mt=8

Internal Debate

2010-03-14T17:06:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if I find Zooey Deschanel hot or just annoying...

Leprechaun

2010-03-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

After watching this video, I'm so ready for St. Paddy's Day.

Scientology

2010-03-09T16:08:00.000-08:00

I recently read a great article in the New York Times about a group of escaped Scientologists that had signed a contract for 1 billion years to dedicate their lives to Scientology. They decided to join the Scientologist navy aka Sea Org, to spread the word about Dianetics from port to port. It turns out while being on the Sea Organization, they had to work 7 days a week, weren't paid all that much and suffered pyschial/mental abuse. Pregnant women are forced to have abortions and not allowed to have contact with family members that are not Scientologists. It doesn't help that Sea Org holds on to all government documents and passports so they can't make it possible for people to defect. Since escaping, they've now been cut off from their family and owe $10,000 to the church which was originally at $40,000 but somehow lowered. It's insane that our government hasn't cracked down on this powerful cult that exploits people.

For more on that article check out the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/us/07scientology.html

I've always been disgusted and appalled at this nonsense and I hate it when I find out an actor I like joined this cult. Scientology was created by talentless science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard and he's been able to manipulate A-list Hollywood stars to join his cult. He's been dead for years now but his cult has expanded since. It drives me nuts that people call this cult a religion. I blame the media for doing that one. They should know better and should grow a pair of balls and say they're a cult. It's amazing how many followers they have and how they've managed to get so many rich and famous people to follow them. This fucking cult was created by a science fiction writer whose work sucked! I would understand if people followed someone brilliant like George Lucas or Stan Lee but L. Ron Hubbard is a fucking hack. People are stupid and stupid people breed stupid people. So goes on life.

Anyways, check out this video of Tom Cruise raving about Scientology. This fucking guy is nuts.

Howard Stern vs Precious

2010-03-09T15:58:00.000-08:00

Watch this clip. It's hilarious but mean yet true.

Once again, Stern nails it.

Biggie Smalls Memorial Day

2010-03-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

It was 13 years ago today that Christopher Wallace aka Biggie Smalls aka the Notorious BIG was gunned down in LA while trying to quash the East vs West Coast beef and trying to promote his new album. He was the best ever.

Recession Specials and Pipe Dreams...

2010-03-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

Friends,

I'll be back at the Miami Improv Wednesday night March 10th. Obviously, I'm nothing without the support of my peeps so you're presence is always needed.

The price for being a loyal supporter while I'm pursuing my pipe dream is that all of my guests get in for free so just say your my guest at the box office door and your good to go. That's a recession special so saying you're unemployed or lost your fortune to Bernie Madoff or worried that Obama is going to raise your taxes is not an excuse to not come. Free comedy and cheap laughs is all the rage these days.

Try to be there by 8pm and if you're Cuban, be there by 7:45pm.

Thanks again for all of your support.

Franky

Miami Improv
Shoppes of Mayfair
3390 Mary St. #182
Miami, FL
305-441-8200
www.miamiimprov.com

How's It Going Down?

2010-03-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

People knock DMX nowadays but his first album was fire and you can't knock him there.

"How's It Going Down" - DMX

Daily Wisdom

2010-03-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living." - Anthony Bourdain

ORCA!

2010-03-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

People really need to stop fucking with these animals. They don't get it. Orcas don't fuck around. Watch this video and begin to live in fear of the whale. Sea World is evil and must pay!

The Wedding Flaker

2010-03-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

I'm totally feeling like a total dickhead after going through my drawer just now and finding a friend's wedding invitation. I've known the guy my whole life and we've been good friends. Also, a bunch of my other life-long friends that I haven't seen in a while were going to be there and that would've been cool to see them. I was totally looking forward to going, I then realized that I just missed the wedding which was just this past Friday night! Then again, I wasn't invited to the bachelor party and that should make the whole situation even at this point, right?

What are your thoughts on this situation?

John McCunt

2010-03-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

John McCain takes questions at a town hall meeting and not expecting that somebody was going to ask him if he had called his wife a cunt. McCain was flabbergasted to say the least.

Shamu Flips Out!

2010-02-24T13:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not surprised at all that a Sea World employee was killed by a Killer Whale today. If the whale's species name wasn't a dead give away, then people should know that these whales can eat Great White Sharks with no problem. What the fuck are people doing making these sea beasts do stupid pet tricks in a small cage? Of course there's going to be a day when they're going to snap!

Now I feel sorry for the person and their family that was killed today but I can't say I'm shocked. What else did they expect?

People should stop fearing Jaws and start fearing Shamu!

Dick Voorhees

2010-02-23T11:53:00.000-08:00

I'm just amazed at how Dick Cheney has survived his 5th heart attack yesterday. This guy is cut from the same cloth as Jason Voorhees. He continues to terrorize people in this country like we're a bunch of Crystal Lake teenagers.

I don't wish ill will on his health but damn it would be nice if just shut up or Attorney General Eric Holder charged his lard ass with war crimes then threw him in jail for his 8 years of disservice to our nation.

Jane Fonda

2010-02-22T21:24:00.000-08:00

I love this classic clip of Jane Fonda slipping the word cunt on live national TV a few years ago. It never gets old to me. It's an oldie but a goodie.

Missing Boner

2010-02-21T07:45:00.000-08:00

Andrew Koenig aka "Boner" from Growing Pains fame has been missing since Valentine's Day while staying in Vancouver. Close friends recently said that he's been suffering from depression. I hope he's ok and that he'll show up soon enough.

If you're in the Vancouver area and see him, please report the news to the authorities. His family, friends and fans are worried sick. We want Boner back!

Money Never Sleeps

2010-02-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

I'm dying to see Wall Street 2. I know it's a hack job sequel but it looks too good not to watch.

Vanilla Nice

2010-02-19T15:50:00.000-08:00

This morning I was eagerly awaiting Tiger Woods' press conference. I had a feeling that it was going to be a vanilla and lame open statement for a few minutes just like the image that he's projected through the years but I was holding out on some hope that he says "fuck it" admits he's a dirtbag and then becomes the Dennis Rodman of the PGA.

I liked Tiger Woods when he came on to the scene in the 1990's when he was a child prodigy breaking the color barrier in the ultimate WASP sport at a time when they still had a few segregated golf courses left in our country. It was great to see him smash records and be on a league of his own. It was the perfect way to stick it to "The Man". As time went on, he became a reserved and uptight guy. I just couldn't get into him. Yeah, he was great but I couldn't relate (little did I know that we both love to chase skirt). I loved how a man of color owned the white man's last great sport. Golf is an elitist sport only for the super elite and watching this Tiger enter their exclusive jungle only to own it in such a short time was amazing. He is my generation's Jackie Robinson. The problem was that he always played it safe and was he starting to enter that Michael Jordan mindset to shut his mouth take the money and not be socially responsible as a public figure. I always admired men like Kurt Flood and Muhamad Ali who used their fame to raise awareness about social issues. As great as a basketball player as Michael Jordan was for me was a disappointment when he said that "Republicans buy sneakers too." Jordan played at a time when Reaganomics devastated the African American community while black people were addicted to crack and murdered each other over his Air Jordans. He could have used his stature to be a better role model calling out the social ills of the time and to tell them to take their focus off of materialism to focus on self-improvement and education but instead he looked at his wallet instead of the horrors that were going on in the 1980's.

Tiger's "Republican buys sneakers too" moment came when Kelly Tilghman said that they only way to beat Tiger Woods at golf is to tie him up to a tree and lynch him. This statement needs no introduction since we all know how sour of a subject strange fruit is to the black community. I was hoping that Tiger would be pissed and asked for this woman to be fired but instead he laughed then shrugged it off during an interview. It came to me as such a let down to let such a thing slide knowing the ugly history that blacks had to endure so people like Tiger can play on a golf course (let alone step foot on one) and make a career out of it. After that incident, I lost a lot of respect for Tiger and only saw him as a money hungry self-absorbed prick.

When his sex scandal and wife drama saga unfolded to the public, I laughed at how poorly he's handled everything but I have been consumed at how this genius of golf has handled everything so stupidly. He's been psychically out of the public for months yet all of his dirty laundry has been with us all this time while his family suffers and he hasn't done a thing to stop the wild fires. After watching Woods give a totally lame press conference, I'm convinced that he's retarded. Tiger looked drained and wooden he looked like he needed a stiff drink then a blowjob afterwards.

Instead of doing the "I'm sorry" rap, he got into too many things that open the doors to more questions. He denied too many things that will prove to be false later – 1.) Elin hit him. 2.) He said he violated his principles. He’ll cheat on her again and again. Woods says he won’t do it again. There’s no way he’ll keep that promise.

Another thing he said that will come up again is that he denied taking performance enhancing drugs. It will come back and haunt him. That's like denying your gay in politics. Once that label sticks, you're fucked.

Is being in sex rehab for 45 days going to help anything? What a fucking joke. Somebody get this guy a hooker!

As for poor little Elin, I still think she swung a golf club at him that night. This woman has that viking warrior blood boiling inside of her. She started reading those gossip columns and then Rachel Uterus' text messages which sent her into a battle cry rage which resulted in a wrecked Cadillac wrapped around a tree on Thanksgiving and a barefoot Tiger defenseless.

Now that Tiger has come out from the woods to tell the world firsthand that he's been a bad a boy he's now going to continue his time being totally miserable in sex rehab while practicing Buddhism. Everybody knows by now that celeb scandals usually result in going to rehab and finding religion which goes hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly. Which this whole Buddhist thing is total bullshit and it makes him sound like a flakey pothead that does yoga in the park. Nobody bought it. At least if he found Jesus, he'd hit a mark with his audience. Golf fans are red meat eating uptight Christians. Americans want Jesus! This Buddha thing is going to turn off some of his fans.

Tiger made his biggest mistake by not coming back and maybe not return for another year. The most important thing he should do is return to the golf course and WIN! That's what people loved him for to begin with and that's what's been paying his bills. People love a redemption story and winners. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

Young Douchebags Club

2010-02-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

Somebody should punch this fucking guy in the nose. It's amazing how this douchebag attacks Obama because he screwed around with drugs his in youth. Last time I checked, George W. Bush used coke in his youth too and was a well-known drunk until his 40th birthday when he discovered Jesus and jogging. Not to mention that Laura Bush's ex-boyfriend was a huge pot dealer at SMU and she also aborted his baby when he knocked her up.

I can't stand these Alex P. Keaton wannabes.

Kevin Smith

2010-02-17T07:35:00.000-08:00

Kevin Smith was recently asked to get off his fat ass off of a Southwest Airlines flight because he was too fat to fly. He's been complaining non-stop since and has been a total cry baby about it. Which got me thinking about his whole career...

When I first saw Clerks back in 1994, it was one of the most brilliant movies I've ever seen and whenever I see it now it still holds up. Malrats was a disappointment but it did provide a few laughs. Chasing Amy was solid and Dogma was crap. Kevin Smith has not lived up to his potential as a filmmaker and I'm still waiting for him to bring us something as good and original as Clerks.

I'm begging Kevin Smith to stop complaining and introduce his legs to a treadmill and while he's at it, he should make a good movie for once. Besides Clerks, every other movie he's made has been one big inside joke within an inside joke that makes references to Clerks. Fucking hack!

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

2010-02-16T12:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

And now a classic love song by none other than Tupac Shakur.

Today's Wisdom

2010-02-16T12:13:00.001-08:00

"Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip-gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards." - Vinny

Romance 101

2010-02-12T14:00:00.000-08:00

Leave it to Pat O'Brien to teach a lesson on how to properly romance a woman. Listen to the master.

Ron Mexico

2010-02-10T16:01:00.000-08:00

Michael "Puppy Killer" Vick can give a fuck about good PR. He recently said in an interview while he was quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons, that he didn't try all that hard and didn't care to do so. It's amazing how stupid this guy is after all of the shit he gets himself into. The legend of Ron Mexico lives on!

RIP Charlie Wilson

2010-02-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

It's shame to break the bad news that former Texas congressman, Charlie Wilson passed away today at age 76. He was an American hero that was a progressive when it came to domestic issues but was a total hawk when it came to foreign policy issues. He was the leading voice to reach out to support the Afghan forces that were fighting the invading Soviet army in the 1980's. Wilson along with the help of the CIA, lobbied Congress to finance and also supply arms to the struggling people of Afghanistan. In 1989, Soviet forces left Afghanistan in defeat. Wilson was then viewed as a hero by many but his personal life was a mess due to his drinking and womanizing. It was also well-known that he used cocaine while serving in Congress but was never in any real trouble because of it. He always kept a staff full of beautiful young women working in his office and was known to drink during office hours. His life story was first published in the book Charlie Wilson's War which was then adapted into a movie starring Tom Hanks.

Some critics point their finger at Wilson's involvement during the Afghan conflict which then resulted in the rise of the Taliban by then providing shelter to Osama Bin Laden and his followers that set the stage for the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks. Wilson himself called for aid to help the Afghans after the Soviet war but failed to get support. He then spent the remainder of his life discussing the difficulty of the war.

Wilson will be remembered by all as a colorful character and a patriotic American.

RIP Captain Phil Harris

2010-02-10T06:43:00.000-08:00

RIP to Captain Phil Harris of Deadliest Catch fame. He was the captain of the Cornelia Marie one of the best crab fishing boats in Alaska. Harris was known for his no-nonsense work ethic and salty sense of humor which made him a fan favorite. He passed away today at age 53 after several weeks after suffering a stroke. He'll be missed.

Than again, you can't smoke 3 packs a day, eat spam for breakfast, and sleep on a dirty boat and think u have a shot at a long life...