30 Of the Funniest Things That's Happened Since Michael Jackson Died

Ever since Michael Jackson died, this past week has been overly saturated with media coverage of his death.  It's been a ridiculous overload to a man that made great music but died molest children.  It seems like everybody has overlooked this HUGE story in his life.  I've decided to compile my list of the most ridiculously funny  and just flat out wrong things that's happened since he died.

30 Of the Funniest Things That’s Happened Since Michael Jackson Died:

 

1. Wolf Blizter says he grew up listening to his music.

 

2. MJ survives just long enough to be recruited by Isiah Thomas for the FIU basketball team.  "We feel like we've made ourselves younger and more competitive," Thomas says.

 

3. Everybody thinks Nell Carter has made a comeback but it turns out its been Janet Jackson all along.  No one really bothers to notice this error.

 

4. Pope Benedict takes a minute from his papal duties to acknowledge Jackson’s death.  “Oh, how his music has touched us in so many ways.”

 

5. Smoke emerges from Neverland Ranch and the paparazzi outside assumes it’s the Jackson family sitting around the fireplace talking about the good old days.  It turns it out it’s his army of lawyers throwing back issues Hot Young Men into the smokestack.

 

6. POV Dead Michael: LA County morgue workers hover over him talking about how great Thriller was when they grew up and how it changed their lives.

 

7. Dead Michael begins to get use to his new afterlife living in a coffin.  He uses this time to make mental lists of every and anything he can think of.  First up to bat, he thinks of every shape he has or could have shaped his nose: rectangle, circle, triangle, “wow boy this getting fun,” he mutters to himself.

 

8. Joe Jackson holds a press conference to talk about his new record label.  Al Sharpton stands next to him.

 

9. Larry King says he met his 3^rd wife when Thriller came out.

 

10. Prince smiles.

 

11.  POV Dead Michael: He’s moved on from shapes and noses to pets he’d had: chimps, dogs, cats, birds, snakes.  Oh, no!   Don’t say snakes.  Snakes are scary!

 

12. Media coverage all remark how he was in tremendous pain throughout his life from all of the dancing.

 

13. Lou Ferrigno goes on TV to tell the world he was Michael’s personal trainer.  People mutter under their breath that the Hulk was a lousy trainer.

 

14. Marc Ecko offers to buy one of his noses for $752,467.

 

15. Michael Jackson’s children are finally exposed for not being his real children once the facial garb has been removed and are forced to dance.  It’s apparent they have no genetic similarities at all.  They are cut from the will but in an 11^th hour effort, are then adopted by Madonna.

 

16. President Barack Obama moonwalks to the Oval Office every morning as a sign of respect to the King Of Pop.  This private matter is more secret than when FDR hid from the American public that he was a cripple.

 

17.  Jesse Jackson uses this time to use a microphone in public.  No one bothered to listen.

 

18. POV of Dead Michael: Humming Thriller theme. That kills 5:57 that is just 3 seconds short of 6 minutes.

 

19. Bubbles The Chimp is at his animal sanctuary when one of the caretakers comes to break the bad news.  Bubbles swings over to his toy chest and pulls out a red leather jacket.  He then takes a shit on it then masturbates on it.  The workers are concerned.

 

20.  Hugh Jackson is on a talk show and says how much he loved Michael’s music then breaks out into a song and dance.  More people are convinced Wolverine is gay.

 

21. Everybody is eagerly awaiting Tito Jackson’s comeback.  It never happens.

 

22. David Letterman has his nightly Top 10 and makes a joke that A-ROD raped Michael Jackson.  Sarah Palin gets upset.

 

23. Oprah has a special show dedicated to Michael and farts during her opening monologue.  She gets embarrassed and says his death has stressed her to start pigging out again.  Her fans forgive her.

 

24.  POV Dead Michael: he’s moved to making a list of trees now “Sequoia, birch, maple, willow, palm, oak, pine, fir, maple.  No, wait, I said maple already…”

 

25. Corey Feldman uses the opportunity that has arisen since his dear old friend has died to get on talk shows to plug the direct-to-video sequel of the Lost Boys.

 

26. People flood the airwaves saying how he lived a troubled life.  Pedophiles around the world have now found their Judy Garland.

 

27. Dr Deepak Chopra says Michael Jackson was his brother.  People wonder why he was left out of the Jackson Five.

 

28. Joe Jackson says he loved his son dearly and it was only tough love that he gave him.

 

29. The world eagerly awaits to hear from Mackley Culkin hoping that he dishes out some molestation stories or just about anything from their bromance in the early 1990’s.  He’s busy scoring Oxicotin in the Midwest to even know his old friend died.

 

30. Ted Turner chokes on a bison burger when he hears that Wolf Blitzer says he grew up listening to Michael’s music.  No one has bought this statement one bit.  Then again, no one has bought a Turner bison burger either.