FOX is going Rogue!

Congrats to Sarah Palin on finally getting her dream job. She's now a commentator on FOX News and the full details of her new gig will be released shortly. To be honest, I'm truly happy for her. After all, she was not a political science major in college but a communications major that dreamed about becoming a newscaster. She just wanted to project herself. After attending six different colleges in six years, she got her degree from the University of Idaho. She got her start in the major media market town of Anchorage, Alaska. Her reporting dealt with the local exciting sports like ice fishing and motor ice sled racing. After a few years of that she ended up joining the PTA while intimidating the teachers as a spunky hockey mom with the heart of gold (which we all know is nothing more than a pitbull with lipstick). She then moved up in the world by getting elected into the Wasilla city council in 1992. The sky was the limit from there. She was re-elected in 1995 but didn't serve out her full term because this rising star was now elected the mayor of Wasilla! Under her watch, her beloved town became the crystal meth capital of Alaska, she banned certain books from the library, made political enemies with people that had worked for her predecessor and managed to make the city's long term debt grow from $1 million to $25 million due to an expensive sports complex in a town of 6,300 residents.

Fast forward to 2006 and our Sarah just got elected governor of the great state of Alaska! Her platform was drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) to get the oil the state needs. Drill baby drill! She also asked for money to build a "bridge to nowhere" while campaigning against earmark spending. Times were good.

Then in late August 2008, the phone rang and it was non other than war hero Senator John McCain. The reason for the call was to ask her to be his choice for Vice President of the USA. She said yes! A major announcement was made and the media had a new darling to ooze on. Behind the scenes, McCain's senior advisers thought the old man made a huge mistake. While scratching their heads, they made the realization if she looked like Janet Reno, she wouldn't even would have been allowed to be on the ticket for the Wasilla city council back in 1995. Then again, looks and charm goes a long way in America. This is the country that elected a man was the co-star in a movie with a monkey that did end up winning the Cold War and got an airport named after him. She could be the female Ronald Reagan. Assume the best is what they did for a few weeks. After all, no one had any idea how big the mistake they made until that vicious Katie Couric interview happened. This was the first time America got to know Sarah Palin and what we learned was that she can see Russia from her house and reads all kinds of stuff. Or does she even read at all? The people seemed concerned. Then she was set to debate Joe Biden then it turned out to be a festival in cuteness by calling him Joe and winking at the camera several times. Little did we know that she couldn't say his last name and kept calling him O'Biden then her handlers just said if she can just call him Joe. She did it and he complied. The people gushed. Then November came and said fuck it let's just elect Barack Obama. Then poor Sarah had to pack her bags and fly back to Alaska just as the winter set in. We really didn't hear from her until a warm summer day...

It was a warm summer day in Alaska and Sarah held a press conference. No one knew what she wanted to say. People assumed that she might run in 2012 for the Presidency or at the very least run for re-election of the governorship in 2010. What did she have to say for herself? Well, it started with a pity party that was being victimized by the liberal media elite and had to retire from her old gig. She had 18 more months to go but heck it's hard work and she wasn't ready for it but yet was somehow ready to be the VP to a man that was 72 years old with a laundry list of health problems. She remained princess of Wasilla and at the end of the day, that's all that matters. America thought that was the end of Sarah Palin...

Then everything went ROUGE! No, she didn't dye a white a strip in her hair and start sucking other mutants of their powers. She released her tell all book Going Rogue about her rise and fall in 2008. Now I have to say that I never read her book but I know three things about the reader without ever having to read about it:

1. You shop at Walmart and you bought it there the day it came out early in the morning with your mullet intact.

2. You're retarded and don't believe in dinosaurs.

3. If you actually read the book and you have a half a brain, you'll discover she's the worst thing to happen to women since cervical cancer. If you lack a half a brain, then you got yourself a hero for our times that just happens to be a total MILF.

Sarah is now a best-selling author. Ok, she didn't write it but her name is on the side of the book and the book is all about her anyways. Just give her the credit dammit! Now that she's got a best-seller under her saddle, what else is there to do? TV and the adoring masses.

So here we are and after all of the ups and downs of life, she finally got to where she always wanted to be. She's now on a major network and has the spotlight all to herself. Good for her. She's proven to us all that's like Forrest Gump if he only had a vagina and a cute smile to boot.

Congrats, babe!